I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
