y did u give ur computer a hand job?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
don't judge my taste in strippers
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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