there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
