This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
