The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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