what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
