I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.