i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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