you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
