Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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