Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
being pregnant is like rehab
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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