i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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