She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
