I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My bed smells like the plague
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
