Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
