Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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