i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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