Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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