I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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