Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
