when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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