took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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