I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her vagine was all disorganized.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
