I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
