I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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