theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize