Everything about him screamed your future.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
