i just had sex bonerless
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.