My room smells like vodka and shame
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0