Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.