..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
