He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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