JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you inspire me to be a worse person
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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