This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.