i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.