I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in