now i know why i became what i already was.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.