i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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