I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
