So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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