and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize