Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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