I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
