I can tuck mytits in my pants
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick