what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day