I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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