I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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