dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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