Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will pee on everything he values.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
