I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At least make sure they are 18
Why
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
