I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
