I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
