my phone needs a breathalizer
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize