People with herpes should wear stickers.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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