i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
