The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
