clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize